I have no idea where to begin…

I have been writing these stories for years.  And, I’m constantly delighting my friends with stories of my crazy life.  Usually, these story telling sessions end with someone saying “You should write a book”.  I’ve finally decided to make the stories public and publish them one by one.  Maybe no one will ever read them, but it somehow makes me feel better to put it out there.

I guess I’ll start by telling you a little about me…

I’m a thrice married, twice divorced, nerdy, chubby, Mother of three.  I have an amazing husband who likes to wear all things hi-vis yellow and is probably way too young to be putting up with my shit.  We literally got married two months after meeting each other in person.  We’re a pretty great team and I wouldn’t change our impulsive beginning for the world.

I have three kids 14, 7, and 4 who make sure that there is never a dull moment.  They insist on breaking a bone or getting a raging bladder infection anytime I think “Wow, things have been going great lately”.  I live in constant fear that our medical insurance company will just have enough and drop us one day.

I work full-time doing a super nerdy job involving some special nuclear stuff that in no way utilizes the education I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars getting.  I pay my student loans every month with a long sigh and eye roll.

I’m severely over-committed and have a weekly schedule that can be deciphered only by a top-secret decoder ring that fell out of my vagina along with kid #3.  My husband and kids have given up trying to figure it all out and just depend on me to boss them and tell them where to be when.  I’ve somehow become the boss of everyone…kids, hubs, ex-husbands, co-workers, friends, family…and I hate it.  I hate being in charge.  I hate that I have a constant list running through my head of things that need to be done, picked up, dropped off, cooked, mailed, organized, attended, and purchased.  I’m pretty sure the inside of my brain resembles a Filofax and all I want is to do nothing.

I cannot remember the last time I had a day off that was relaxing.  Vacations are filled with an over-planned schedule that usually makes at least one kid fall into a tantrum mid-day.  Days off work usually involve running children to the dentist or getting a bikini wax that is long overdue.   Weekends are usually dedicated to home improvement projects, Little League games, birthday parties, and dance recitals.  I’m fascinated by women who are able to fit in spa days and massages.  I want to grab them and shake them and beg them to take me with them.

That’s all I can think of for now.  Welcome to the crazy.  I’m glad you’re here.